JOKES!!

[monkihead]

John Bevan of Bridges Marketing called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, Mr. Bevan,who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The Theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans,originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. After all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.

The top ten:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your penis... This is your penis on drugs. Any
questions?

[suprra_girl]

:lol:

good laughs.. i like the boyfriend one hehe

[SuperSupra86]

Viagra is always funny....

[monkihead]

ahhh.... what will they think of next...

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 8 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over except his "thingie." So he decided to do something about it.
He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand, except for his "thingie" which he left sticking up.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the "thingie" sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world."
The other lady asked what she meant.
She said, when I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I begged for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too
old to squat

[monkihead]

blondes...



To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his
apartment building to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he
sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, he fell asleep and sunburned his
Johnson. Being very determined, he decided not to miss his date with
the
hot blonde, so, he put some ointment on the beast and wrapped it in
gauze.
The young man's date, a beautiful blonde, showed up at his apartment
for
the promised home cooked meal, and was treated to a feast. After they
finished with the dinner they went into the living room to watch a
movie.
During the movie, the young man's sunburn started acting up. After
several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused.
A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn
pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and
placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate
relief. The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered
into
the kitchen and found him with his "tool" immersed in the glass of
milk.
With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed, "SO, THAT'S HOW YOU
LOAD THOSE THINGS!"

[Poodles]

OMG LOL

[monkihead]

...yes sir! may i have another....


A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull gray dress.. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
********POOF****** The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.
*******POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
******POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.

[Isphius]

A young man is about to be married. But his fiance, Has a very very attractive younger sister. He always finds her looking at him, And acting like she wants him whenever they are around. She wears short skirts, Low cut shirts, And always seems to show intrest in the young man. One day, she leads him upstairs into her room. She asks if she would like for them to make love. She says that she will not tell anyone, and his fiance would never find out. No one is home. It seems perfect. The young man realizes he does not have a condom, And tells the young lady he will be back in a little bit. So he runs downstairs headed for his car. When he arrives outside, He finds his fiances parents, And they quickly congratulate him on his decision to leave the house, And instantly approve of his marriage to their daughter. After a moment of realization, He thinks to himself, "Holy crap, Im glad I put those condoms in my glove box"

[jeepkaiser65]

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new red Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

[Isphius]

lol. thats a good one. Heres a true story.

Dad = speeding, gets pulled over, Spills water on his crotch
Officer - License registration and proof of insurance. *hands over* Thank you. Sir, do you know why im pulling you over?
Dad - No, But i spilled Mcdonalds coffee on my dong and i was on my way home to treat my 3rd degree burns

Officer - Well, I guess ill let you go, That sounds serious.

Dad - You must know how hot mcdonalds coffee is then! thanks!

Officer - Have a good day