Jokes
 

This is one of the my favorties, the reaction I get when I tell it is priceless.

(1). 2 guys go out hunting for the day. When they get to their spot they both head south of the truck, except one goes SE and the other goes SW. After about an hour the guy who who went SW has to take a crap, so he looks around and sees a downed tree leaning up against a standing tree, it's like the perfect nature made toilet, so he sits down and goes about his busniess, gets to comfortable and falls asleep.
Meanwhile the guy who went SE shoots himself a buck, guts it and takes it back to the truck. After waiting about 20 minutes he wants to leave so he starts honking the horn, 45 minutes later his friend is still not back so he goes and looks for him. He finds him asleep on the log and thinks to himself I'm gonna get the mother fu#$%^ for making me wait.
So he goes back to where he gutted his deer and picks up the gut pile, takes it over and very quietly puts it under his friends ass. He then goes back to the truck and shoots off his rifle a couple times.
About 20 minutes go by and his friend comes up to the truck and he is as white as a ghost.
So he asks him what in the hell happened to you.
His friend replies, "your not going to believe this, I was taking a crap, fell asleep and when I woke up I'd shit my guts out."
So the one who got his deer said "HOLY SHIT we'd better get you to a hospital."
His Friend replied, "no, nothing to worry about, by the grace of god and a greasy stick I got them all back in."


(2). So this rabbit and a bear are shitting in the woods. The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks, "Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "why no, I don't". So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

(3). There is a Supra owner, a 350z owner and a Honda owner out for a drive one night and they get pulled over by a very good looking female cop.
She said you where speeding but I might let you go if you can impress me, so she has them get out of the car and drop their pants.
The supra owner pulls his dick out and he's got 16 inches.
The 350z owner pulls his dick out and he's got 10 inches.
The honda owner pulls his dick out and he's got 2 1/2 inches.
Impressed the cop lets them go with no ticket.
As they are driving down the road the supra owner looks at the other 2 and says "you guys are lucky I got a 16 inch dick"
The 350z owner looks at the other 2 and says my 10 inches helped to"
The honda owner looks at both of them and says " Ya, well your both lucky I had a hard on"

Got a good one, post it.


http://forums.celicasupra.com/images...ser_online.gif

Saw this and it made me chuckle! :)
 

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been having an affair. The
usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.
She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask
which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".
I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the
drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the
car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?
I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk
and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I
checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down
I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I
decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a veiw of
the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst
crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from
Halfords and try to repair it myself ?!